


Stand By Me

by Fififjonka



Series: Falling - Thomas/Jimmy [1]
Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: M/M, Prison
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-12
Updated: 2017-05-20
Packaged: 2018-10-30 23:49:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10887456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fififjonka/pseuds/Fififjonka
Summary: Alfred doesn’t back off after seeing Thomas kiss Jimmy and O’Brien blackmails Jimmy to testify against him. When Thomas is arrested, Jimmy is sick with guilt but too afraid to tell the truth. And he starts to realize he wasn’t honest with Thomas on that night… Thomas/Jimmy. AU. Read&Review, please!





	1. Chapter 1

If Jimmy hadn't yet fully realized what he had done, he had seen it in its wholesome irreversibility on that day police had come for Thomas.

Daisy came running into the kitchen with her eyes wide open, almost toppling over a chair.

"There are policemen by the door," she blurted out, her cheeks red. The lazy, peaceful atmosphere of the late morning couldn't turn to a greater shock. Carson shouted a righteous "What!" Mrs Patmore and Anna gave a shriek, Bates pushed his chair off the table quickly and Jimmy dropped his cup, breaking it and spilling the tea on his feet.

"Damn…" he stammered, shooting a nervous look to the door.

" _Policemen_?" Carson asked, his voice growing stronger as usually when the welfare of the house was in danger.

"That certainly is some kind of a mistake."

He followed Daisy to the door while Jimmy's heart raced. He could see the disturbed faces all around him but the only ones truly aware of what was happening was he himself and O'Brien. It was her idea not to tell anyone else yet – that he had been to the police station to testify against Thomas Barrow… She said it was the only way to clear Jimmy's part in it. And Jimmy trusted her and didn't want to have anything to do with that _issue_. But that had been a week ago and he had forgotten about it completely. The tea in his mouth suddenly tasted like bile and his guts twisted painfully.

"Jimmy?"

Thomas was the only one who didn't move or say anything. Now he spoke to him in a soft and silent voice. Jimmy looked up, meeting his eyes. Thomas' expression was somewhat passive, but there was a well-hidden glimpse of fear in his eyes. Jimmy suddenly felt unbearably _guilty._ Blood was rushing in his temples and his hands were sweating.

"I should rather finish my cigarette, I suppose," Thomas said calmly as the voices of Carson and the policemen grew louder and kept approaching.

"Now what is this fuss all about…?" Mrs Hughes who had just entered the kitchen said. Her voice trailed off at the sight of two policemen coming towards them with enraged Carson and terrified Daisy on their tail. When they stormed into the kitchen, Jimmy automatically jumped up. Thomas on the other hand got up slowly, looking from one policeman to the other with his head straight.

"Thomas Barrow?"

"Yes," he said in a reserved tone. Jimmy noticed his hands were shaking slightly.

"I'm inspector Brass. This is an arrest warrant issued on your name. You are coming with us, sir," the policeman said, showing him a piece of paper. "There were some serious accusations on you that need to be investigated. You are under arrest until then."

Thomas didn't look at anyone in the room but merely put out his cigarette. When the other policeman stood behind him and roughly grabbed his hands to cuff them behind his back, he didn't bat an eyelid and maintained his dignified posture.

"This is _outrageous_ ," Carson said furiously. "His Lordship will never allow such a rude interference into the household, nor such treatment of a member of the staff."

"We are sorry," Brass said, "but the arrest warrant speaks clearly."

"This is absurd," Mrs Hughes said. "You can't take Mr Barrow like that."

"That's fine, Mrs Hughes," Thomas said as the policeman was taking him away.

"I'll go notify his Lordship and trust me he won't let you do this," Carson said, marching away while the rest of staff followed the policemen through the corridor with the same upset expression. There was something utterly painful in watching them taking Thomas – whose composed demeanour was so well known – away in such a humiliating way. Jimmy walked some distance behind them. He had an urging need to stop it all somehow, _anyhow_. But it was too late.

"Don't worry, Mr Barrow, I'm sure all will sort out quickly. You'll be back in no time," Mrs Hughes said.

"Yes, there's no need for you to be upset," Thomas said shortly before being put into the police car. Jimmy caught his look and it made his heart sunk even lower. There was no blame in it of any kind.

As they drove off they left the staff standing on the threshold in shocked silence. The first to speak was Bates who turned at Jimmy.

"It's _you_ behind it. You and O'Brien," he said. It wasn't a question and Jimmy was silent. He couldn't think of anything to say. His throat was dry and sticky.

"You have plotted this…?" Mrs Hughes uttered. _"You framed him."_

O'Brien appeared behind them then with a grim smile.

"It was the right thing to do," she said.

"I can't believe you could do that, Miss O'Brien!"

"Oh, what's with all the sudden sympathy for Thomas? Don't you all hate him? You should be glad he's gone."

"But…" Mrs Hughes stuttered, turning red. "That's a…"

"Truth," O'Brien said. "And he deserves punishment. His _repulsive ways_ cast bad light on all of us. And on his Lordship above all. And who knows what could have happened to all the other young men employed in future with _him_ around."

"That's ridiculous," Mrs Hughes said in disbelief while Daisy was simply horrified, her mouth opened.

"Funny coming from you," Bates added. "I thought you were such good friends. You didn't know about his _repulsive ways_ back then?"

O'Brien didn't move a muscle.

"I had no idea," she said and Bates snorted.

"What was your part in it?" Mrs Hughes asked Jimmy.

"Don't answer," O'Brien said. "You are not obliged to explain yourself."

"I just hope you are aware of all the consequences, Mr Kent," Mrs Hughes said. "Framing a man is not a simple matter. You'll have to go to the court to testify against Mr Barrow – perhaps several times – and you will have to swear on the Bible. But you have certainly thought about that _before_ this nasty business, haven't you? As you have thought about being responsible for ruining someone's life for good."

"Well I'm sure Jimmy acts on his own behalf," Bates said. Jimmy felt sicker and sicker and all he wanted was to run away. Seeing Lord Grantham coming made it even worse.

"Mr Kent, Miss O'Brien, would you kindly explain why Mr Barrow has just been arrested and taken to the police station?"

Jimmy shot O'Brien a look but she didn't return it. He coughed several times before speaking.

"I… I have been at the police station to report Mr Barrow's… _offence_ …"

"Offence?" Lord Grantham repeated. "I was under the impression that matter has been solved, hasn't it? I believe we all have agreed on _not_ involving the police, Mr Carson?"

"Yes, that was the agreement," Mr Carson said. "But it seems Mr Kent and Miss O'Brien took it into their own hands."

With O'Brien unresponsive and Jimmy staring at his shoes Lord Grantham looked from one to another and then exchanged confused looks with the rest of the staff.

"We didn't know about this," Mrs Hughes said. "It was a shock for everyone. Except those two, I suppose."

"Is there something I don't know?" Lord Grantham asked. "Is this a matter of a personal vengeance on Mr Barrow of any kind? Maybe you could enlighten me, Miss O'Brien."

She looked at him, doing her flawless _moral_ face. Jimmy was taken aback by his sudden deep disgust for her.

"I felt it was my responsibility in regard to protecting this house and your Lordship," O'Brien said in her most righteous tone.

"Well, I appreciate your devotion but I'm also surprised by your lack of solidarity," Lord Grantham said. "I would prefer you first come to _me_ next time."

"I will, your Lordship," Miss O'Brien said. "Maybe I was a bit reckless but with the best intentions."

"Yes, of course," Lord Grantham said. "But it is not my intention to have Mr Barrow imprisoned. I'll see what I can do about it."

As soon as Lord Grantham left Jimmy fled to his room, unable to stand the blaming looks anymore. He was so upset and shaken he managed to just sit on the bed and stare.

What had he done?

He wasn't at all expecting he would regret his decision so quickly and so intensively. What was he thinking? How could he do it? Thomas' expression while being put into the car was still hanging in front of him. The lack of accusation hurt the most. He wasn't even angry with him, for god's sake!

There was a knock on the door and O'Brien walked in. Jimmy jumped up.

"We must do something," he burst out. "I don't want to be responsible for this."

"But you _are_ now," O'Brien said. "You should have thought about that before. What were you thinking would happen anyway? Don't tell me you thought they would just caution him."

Jimmy opened his mouth but didn't say anything.

"You can't take it back; it's too late for that. Do you want to be accused of being the same? Because you _would_ be. Don't forget Alfred will back up every single word I say. And he could perhaps back up even something that did _not_ happen. And you would be tried and imprisoned just as well. I would see to that."

She lowered her voice.

"You will do exactly what we have discussed or you end up in the prison with him. So think twice before having second thoughts."

"I didn't want anyone to be put in prison," Jimmy said and O'Brien laughed.

"I almost can't believe you're so stupid," she said. "That's also why I strongly advise you to do as I say and everything will be fine. They will forget about Barrow after some time, he's been quite unpopular anyway."

"But –"

"Enough of this," O'Brien said. "There's nothing you can do now but follow the plan. You're a good looking young man, right? Trust me you don't want to end up in prison for – how they call it – _gross indecency_. Just imagine it for a moment, would you?"

She gave him one last look before leaving him in the room feeling the worst he had ever felt in his life. He seriously doubted he could ever live with himself in the future with such a terrible burden of guilt. More than ever he wanted to go and murder that O'Brien bitch, only to realize he was no better than her. He would love to believe he had been manipulated into it but that was a cowardly and hypocritical belief and a mere avoidance from taking responsibility. And now it was too late to take it back, she had already closed her grip around him with Alfred willing to confirm whatever she would make up.

Jimmy moaned as Thomas' face flashed in front of his eyes. Thomas with his cold observant eyes, with his pale handsome face, with his arrogant smile. He would never look at him with that arrogance, though. Not at him. And the memory of that night he came to him kept haunting him. Perhaps if he didn't freak out, they could think something up, silence Alfred somehow…

Jimmy's eyes were burning as he was trying to supress imagining Thomas in some cold and dirty cell because of him. Trying not to imagine him lying beside him now. Trying not to imagine touching him, trying not to imagine feeling his warm skin and hearing his breath. And the most agonizing thought was how close he had been to having it all…

* * *

"Hey, wake up, you poof!"

The sound of a baton against the bars resonated around the cell. Thomas started, snapping out of his fitful sleep. The two wardens were whistling at him mockingly, mumbling insults with their fists clenched, which was basically just a continuation of their behaviour at the station when he had been handed over to them by the policemen. Thomas was genuinely surprised they didn't actually beat him _yet_ , just pushed him around roughly. He sat up on the cot and looked at the wardens.

"Any problem, gentlemen?"

"Shut up, you filth," the warden grunted, spitting into the cell with disgust.

"Are you thinking about your sweet future?" the warden asked. "I'd watch my ass if I were you. Fucking perverts like you should be put down, if you ask me."

Thomas merely watched them with disinterest before turning away. It took him all his will power to remain composed and calm but deep inside he knew this was the end. He couldn't hold on like that for too long and he was terrified at the thought of the trial with all the people looking at him, judging him like something rotten and foul which should be separated from the rest of the world. He just wished to last long enough to stand it and not break down in front of them all, most importantly in front of _Jimmy_. Surprisingly he felt nothing bad towards him. He remembered his horror-stricken face. He clearly didn't know what he was doing. O'Brien did. Thomas knew she would be present at the trial. He was determined not to give her or them the pleasure of seeing him defeated and broken. He swore to himself that no matter what he would leave the court with his head up. And then… it wouldn't matter anymore.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, hope you'll like this one. I re-wrote the conversation between Jimmy and Thomas in prison so many times before being finally satisfied enough :)) And all the time I just wanted Jimmy to climb the bars, haha... Also, Thomas makes a call to his long time no see sister. Enjoy :)

Jimmy kept swearing silently as he was trying and failing to smooth his starched shirt. He was wearing his only _decent_ suit and was surprised how bad he looked in it. He was usually pleased with himself. Not being aware of his looks wasn’t Jimmy’s trait, he knew perfectly well how good looking he was. But now he was pale and shaky and his eyes kept the constant look of dismay. He absolutely hated that reflection of himself and wasn’t used at all to feeling like this – desperate, frightened and _guilty_. And in addition to that he was extremely nervous.

How else should he feel, though, when he was about to visit Thomas in prison that day?

“Damn…”

He took a deep breath and smoothed the shirt, tucking it under the jacket. He didn’t tell anyone where he was going – although O’Brien was suspicious and kept asking irritating questions. He didn’t want anybody from the house to know, it was enough they kept giving him the judging looks every time he crossed their path. It was actually making Jimmy a bit amazed. He wouldn’t expect such sympathy for Thomas from the others. He thought they had disliked him greatly.

Jimmy’s eyes fell on the open letter on the table. It contained his call to the stand at Thomas’ trial next Monday in York. It was Wednesday today, so it was only a couple of days away. The hearing… He as a _witness_. Swearing on the Bible and telling _lies_ …

They all wanted to know what he was going to say. But he had no idea about that. He was in fact thinking about breaking both his legs so he wouldn't have to go there.

He didn’t want speak about it with anybody but everybody seemed eager to discuss it with _him_. Bates had been to him three times, and so had Lord Grantham (once), Mrs Hughes (twice) and Carson (every day). But Bates was the worst – because he was right and because he knew exactly what was going on. Jimmy kept in vivid memory their last encounter yesterday evening. Bates spotted him alone on the backyard, having a lonely cigarette. He spoke behind his back and made him jump up.

“Aren’t you nervous a bit?” he asked. Jimmy frowned.

“Jumping up when somebody takes you by surprise has nothing to do with nervousness.”

“I see…”

Bates leaned against the door, an unpleasant gesture suggesting he wouldn’t let him go inside until he had his talk.

“I heard the hearing is on Monday.”

“So what?” Jimmy lashed out. “I’m not going to discuss it with you so stop trying.”

“I don’t want to discuss the trial,” Bates said. “I came to tell you about the time I served in prison.”

Jimmy shot him a glare over his shoulder.

“I don’t want to hear about it,” he mumbled. It sounded so cowardly to him he had to close his eyes – unseen to Bates – and take a deep breath.

“It’s not a nice place,” Bates said. “But it serves its purpose – _when it’s justified_. But I knew I’d been wrongly accused and being actually innocent makes it a true hell.”

Jimmy was silent, watching the hot tip of his cigarette, his chest tied as if someone wrapped a rope around it.

“And from what I’ve heard they treat those accused of… _indecency_ … very poorly.”

Jimmy shivered slightly.

“And what are you, a hypocrite? You’ve never liked Thomas, no one have,” Jimmy said, being very well aware of how weak that argument was.

“Disliking someone doesn’t mean I would turn a blind eye if this person was about to be sentenced and put in prison on basis of some personal vengeance schemes,” Bates said and his voice got darker. “Being a victim and an accomplice of someone else’s plotting is nothing a man could show off.”

“Good night, Mr Bates,” Jimmy said. As he was passing by him Bates moved forward and squeezed him between him and the wall.

“Hey, what are you doing? Get off me!”

“Now listen,” Bates said quietly, “Whatever you and O’Brien and Alfred are up to, you don’t have to be a part of it. I’ve always thought of you as of a lightheaded dandy but not a spineless scoundrel. Think twice before you do something you’ll regret for the rest of your life.”

Jimmy was looking him in the eyes and at one short moment he longed to tell him everything. Ask him for help. But he didn’t. He just shifted his eyes away and walked in the house. Stupid righteous Bates with his logical, righteous arguments and with his _truth_!

Jimmy couldn’t wait to be out of the house. He kept turning over his shoulder all the time and as soon as Downton Abbey was out of his sight he started running. When he reached the train station in Downton he was red in the face and catching his breath. He smoked three cigarettes before the train arrived out of nervousness, starting a new one right after putting out the previous. It was the first time he would go to prison. And he was going there voluntarily. But he _had to_ explain himself. Justify his actions…

On his train to York he was thinking about his encounter with Alfred which too had been a total failure. He visited him in hopes to persuade him to back off. He should have known – just by the look of Alfred’s face – that O’Brien had done her job on him.

“Who do you think I am, a stupid chicken?” Alfred asked with a pout. “I’m not backing off.”

“Don’t believe what she says,” Jimmy said. “She’s making it all up, she just wants to get rid of Thomas and she’s using you.”

“Hey,” Alfred frowned. “She’s right. What he did was disgusting. Or are you telling me you _liked it_? You should be happy he’ll be put in jail.”

“No, I didn’t like it. But Thomas was confused, he thought… I don’t know what he thought but he wouldn’t dare to do that ever again.”

Alfred was watching him with unconvinced grimace and he shook his head.

“I don’t give a damn about what he’d been thinking. I just don’t want him anywhere near me. And if he’s gone it can only help me.”

Jimmy felt a stab of anger in his chest. Whatever Thomas had done he just didn’t deserve to end up in prison out of plain jealousy of his job.

“It’ll ruin him for good,” Jimmy said, appealing on Alfred’s conscience. “Even if they free him eventually he won’t ever get a decent job.”

“Why should _I_ care about that?” Alfred asked. “Barrow should have thought about that before going to your room and _kissing_ you.”

“I told you he’d been confused!”

“By what?” Alfred smirked. “Or have you been giving him some signals, Jimmy?”

“By what O’Brien told him about me! Don’t you hear what I’m saying? She plotted this whole thing. She wants to frame him.”

“That’s what you think,” Alfred said. “Now if that’s all, I have work to do.”

Jimmy had tried it twice more, getting the same results. And without Alfred’s support he was helpless. He had no idea what he had actually been promising from his today’s secret visit but he couldn’t think of anything else to do. He couldn’t speak to anyone about it because as soon as O’Brien would find out she would go to Alfred and frame Jimmy as well. Perhaps she could tell him she saw him and Thomas doing _gross indecency_ together and that it was only right to say Jimmy had been returning the kiss on that night or whatever. One thing was for sure – O’Brien would definitely think up something.

As Jimmy walked the streets of York he felt completely isolated. Almost like infected by some invisible disease.

When the prison towered ahead of him he stopped and stared at it with his guts swirling. Thomas was supposed to be in a pre-trial detention cell, he hadn’t officially been sentenced yet but just looking at the prison was making Jimmy sick. He felt like a five-year old scared boy when the prison officer saw him and Jimmy was stutteringly trying to explain his visit.

“Thomas Barrow?” the officer repeated. He was old and looked like the most emotionless person on the earth.

“Yes, I can see,” he said, looking into his papers. “Arrested for suspicious behaviour…”

The officer looked up at Jimmy, eyeing him up and down.

“Are you his friend?”

“Colleague,” Jimmy said. He despised himself for that but he was too afraid to be associated with Thomas in any other way.

“Fine… Mr Rattched will accompany you,” the officer said, nodding at the prison warden. Jimmy had to turn out his pockets before entering the ward; the only relief was in seeing all the other people coming to see the imprisoned and he mingled with them. When they entered the visitors’ room Jimmy’s heart had already been bouncing in his throat, threatening to jump out. He sat down to the cell four and put his hands on his knees, waiting and listening to conversations of others.

All the reassurance and affection around was making him feel like the most rotten and evil person in the world.  

“I’m sure it’ll be alright, darling…”

“I believe you’ll be out in no time…”

“I pray for you every day…”

What was _he_ going to say? _I’m sorry they’ll sentence you because of me but I hope it’ll pass quickly?_

Why was he even there? It wasn’t to make Thomas feel better, to support him or reassure him. He was there to reassure and make feel better _himself_. Suddenly he was so fed up with himself he wanted to get up and run away. Could he possibly be any more selfish?

Jimmy’s thoughts froze at the moment because Thomas entered the other side of the room. Jimmy could see Thomas’ cold and aloof expression melt into shock as soon as he noticed him sitting in front of him.

“Hi…” Jimmy gulped, watching Thomas sitting on the chair. He had been in the prison only a few days so far but his face was visibly affected by that. He was paler than usual and looked terribly _unimportant_ in the grey prisoner’s clothes. It was such a change from his usual elegant and proud manner Jimmy’s throat closed and his eyes started burning.

“Hello, Jimmy,” he said and tried to smile. “I wasn’t expecting you…”

“I thought so,” Jimmy said. Thomas shifted uneasily, looking away.

“I didn’t want you to see me like this,” he said, laughing falsely. “It’s so humiliating.”

“Don’t worry about that,” Jimmy said. “I… I think you look good…”

“Oh…” Thomas snorted and shook his head. Their eyes met and Jimmy could see – for the briefest glimpse of a second – Thomas’ fear of what was going to happen to him.

“I’m sorry,” Jimmy blurted out. “I’m sorry, Thomas.”

“Don’t mention it.”

“Stop it! Stop brushing it away. I’m a bloody coward and a selfish bastard.”

Thomas was looking him in the eyes and Jimmy could see in them that Thomas simply couldn’t think of him that way. That made it all even worse. 

“The others say hello,” Jimmy said, which was a plain lie. But he guessed most of them would send best wishes if they actually knew. Thomas’ face lit up very faintly.

“That’s kind of them,” he said.

“They all hope you’ll be back soon.”

“You are making that up but that’s fine,” Thomas said.

“How do they treat you?” Jimmy asked in a lowered voice.

“Nothing to worry about, I get all I need,” Thomas said dismissively, the unsaid warning not to pursue that topic clearly noticeable in his tone. Jimmy felt cold shivers running down his spine. He hated seeing him like that. He knew how much maintaining his dignity meant to Thomas and it was unbelievably painful to watch him stripped off it. And he didn’t even want to start imagining what kind of treatment he could get from the other prisoners or wardens. But still there was something not even the prisoner's clothes and the surroundings could take away, something in his face and in his eyes. Something that made Jimmy's blood rush... Thomas wasn't broken. Jimmy knew he would fight - as long as there was any hope. 

“The hearing is on Monday,” Thomas said. Jimmy nodded.

“I presume you are attending.”

“I’ve been called.”

Thomas took a deep breath.

“And you will say…” he said, his eyes lingering on him with unhidden plea, his voice betraying him. Jimmy was clenching his fists with desperation.

“I can’t… I’m… She’s blackmailing me, that old wretched bitch… I’m so sorry Thomas, I can’t…”

Thomas’ face relaxed and his eyes softened. His fake smile turned to a genuine one.

“Don’t worry about it,” he said. “I understand. It was my fault anyway; I would never forgive myself if I put _you_ in prison as well. You did nothing wrong, it was me and my… stupid foolish assumptions…”

Thomas’ voice trailed off and he rubbed the bridge of his nose, taking a deep breath. Jimmy saw his chest rise slowly under the rough grey prisoner clothes.

“I’m just a bit nervous, that’s all,” he uttered without looking at him. Jimmy’s heart went out to him at his sudden confession.

“Thomas,” he said and Thomas lifted his eyes to him, the attentive grey eyes Jimmy remembered all so well from their only evening alone.

“You are the strongest person I know.”

Thomas’ eyebrows went up in sheer surprise. 

“I will think something up,” Jimmy had just decided, although he had absolutely no idea what that something should be.

“Don’t get yourself involved,” Thomas said and his voice was firm and serious once again. “I don’t want you to get involved more than is absolutely necessary.”

“I won’t leave it like this, I’m not such a villain,” Jimmy said.

“Of course you are not,” Thomas said. Jimmy couldn’t believe it. Thomas was reassuring _him_?

“You are my friend,” Thomas said. “My only friend.”

Jimmy looked around. Nobody was paying any attention to them. He leaned forward with Thomas doing involuntarily the same, and he kept looking into his face, looking at the person he missed so damn much.

“I wanted to tell you something,” he said quietly. “I…”

He paused, not sure how to continue. How to describe something he himself couldn’t grasp? He looked down at his hands, noticing the neat scar on his finger.

“Remember how I cut my finger?”

“I do,” Thomas said. Jimmy met his eyes.

“I didn’t want to leave that night,” Jimmy said. “I stood in the corridor looking at your door and wanted to come back.”

Thomas’ face was stuck in utter disbelief. Jimmy wouldn’t dare to guess what his expression was like. Was it shocked? Hurt? Betrayed?

“Time’s up!” the warden exclaimed. Jimmy stood up. He fought the urge to reach to him. Thomas didn’t break their eye contact, his eyes roving over Jimmy’s face.

“Hold on, Thomas,” Jimmy said in the strongest possible voice. “I know you can. I know you will. I _will_ get you out of there.”

* * *

_Pick it up. Please, pick it up…_

Thomas closed his eyes. He didn’t dare to hope he would have a second chance for a call if she didn’t pick this one up. But she didn’t have to be at home at all, she could be anywhere and –

“Simmons speaking.”

Thomas almost burst into tears at the sound of her voice.

“Who is that?” she asked, suspicious.

“It’s Thomas.”

“Oh… Oh, _Thomas_!” she exclaimed with joy and delight. “What a pleasure! I’ve almost thought you’ve forgotten you had a sister.”

“I’m sorry but I’ve been busy a lot.”

“Still making excuses, of course,” Tamsin said but she wasn’t angry. “How are you? I hope everything is fine.”

“Yes, I’m doing well, thank you,” Thomas said, quickly drying the tear running down his cheek.

“But tell me about you, Tamsin. What about the children?”

“Oh, Thomas… being a mum is the most difficult job ever. But they’re lovely, of course. They’d love to see you too. Why don’t you visit us in summer?”

“I would love to,” Thomas said, using all his strength to keep his voice calm. But Tamsin was his sister. She might have been on the other side of the country but she had known him since he’d been a little boy.

“Is something wrong?” she asked. “Thomas? Has something happened to you?”

“No, of course not. I just wanted to speak to you. I haven’t heard you for a long time.”

“It’s so nice to hear your voice, little brother,” she said with affection. Thomas closed his eyes, biting his lower lip and supressing the cry.

"I know something's happening," Tamsin continued. "Really, you should just give up trying to hide it from me, you know I can always tell. Can I help you anyhow?"

"No," Thomas said. "Just talk to me."

"Thomas..." Tamsin said compassionately and Thomas understood the agitation in her voice for he rarely ever asked for comfort - not even from her.

"I wish I could be with you," she said. "I know you have those sad thoughts you never speak about. But it's going to be alright, don't worry. Everything's going to be just fine."

Thomas knew there wasn't a way she could promise him that and he wasn't a little boy to believe her but hearing the words from her still meant a kind of relief to him.

The prison warden approached him and seized his arm. Thomas took a deep breath.

“I have to go. Take care and send my love to the kids.”

“I will,” Tamsin said. “I miss you, Thomas.”

“I miss you too…” Thomas said, his voice breaking as he hung the phone up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading :-) Promise it won't be that "angsty" all the time. Let me know what you think. Thanks!!

**Author's Note:**

> First one, hope you liked. There is a short prequel story to this in my archive "Things Left Unsaid," you can check it if you liked this one. Let me know! Thanks!


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